'Tis the Season

Solidarity can be a challenge this time of year

It’s that time of year again…

Here in the northern hemisphere, people are cold and stressed, and sometimes snapping at each other.

Relatives are getting on each other’s nerves.

Yes, the idea of solidarity is great.

But this time of year, we’re dealing with the nitty gritty of how that works up close. Ouch!

How do we cope with the inevitable disagreements and tensions? The most difficult boundaries to set a lot of the time are with family members. There’s history, and there are trigger points — buttons only those closest to us know how to push.

How do we keep things civilized, if not positive?

It’s tempting to say be kind, helpful and warm, but sometimes people like us can be targets. Sometimes we have to limit the duration of interaction with certain family members.

Years ago I had an experience with a relative with whom I always had difficult encounters. Before our visit I had read Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth. Oddly enough, one of the criticisms I saw of the book was that it was overly simplistic. Even so, it worked for me.

That was many years ago, and that relative has since passed away, but it was my last meaningful encounter with her. I was so glad that it ended on a good note. That book helped me to realize deeply that we don’t have the power to change anyone else’s behaviour, but we do have the power to change our own.

In a nutshell, I was less reactive, and it made all the difference. It’s something I need to be aware of now.

There are so many triggers that come up during family gatherings: dietary preferences, political views, communication styles, noise levels. Also people often have too much sugar, and are overtired…not exactly a great overture for a rip-roaring round of Solidarity Forever, is it?

Sometimes we have to remind ourselves to stay calm, and to limit our times with people who trigger us. We can take little breaks, do some of the dishes, play with the kids if there are any, step outside for awhile.

And I think of what a privilege it is to be with family this time of year with so many families being in war zones right now. Imagine how grateful they’d be to have a family gathering?

Maybe that sense of gratitude is what we need to keep in mind.

Maybe this is excellent practice for how to be in the world.

How do you cope with this time of year? Let’s share some strategies.

Seasonal family gatherings are excellent times for learning to staying calm, for setting boundaries, and making the most of the season.

I hope your family gatherings are enjoyable.

* * * * * * *

love the BDS campaign and the effect it’s having on Israel’s economy.

Here's an excellent list of products from Israel: https://boycott.thewitness.news/browse/1

Here's a way to help others not in your bubble to boycott Israel: https://www.cjpme.org/stickies_2024_en

And here's where you can support Palestine by buying a keffiyeh: https://www.hirbawi.ps/